From Rock to Cave

Stories from Remember Me.

Many years ago, I had to suddenly bring up my 4 young children on my own and in difficult circumstances. The one thing that sustained me was the belief that God was my rock, and as such I clung on to Him desperately, like a climber terrified of falling into the abyss. One day the house next door caught on fire and threatened to burn down ours. One of my sons said: Is there anything special you want to save, Mum? And in a flash it came to me that the “pearl of great price, the treasure in the field,” was actually within in me. So as long as the family was saved, I wasn’t too worried about anything else.

That led to a change in my relationship with God. The rock now became a cave in my heart, where I could get to know Him. I took up meditation, and in those early years I now know I tried too hard. It made me happy if I had special insights or saw meaningful images. I still remember one of rosemary breaking through a concreted yard which to me was such a symbol of hope. I liked to have music playing or to be transported by a picture of beauty, either natural or man-made. It seemed to be important that the meditation should be “worthwhile”.

20 more years have now elapsed. Today, my meditation is less orchestrated. I read somewhere that every day:

I just need to be simple, sitting in my usual chair;

to be patient, saying the mantra (maranatha, Come Lord Jesus)

and to be humble, acknowledging the many distracting thoughts that flit like fireflies into my mind.

The cave of my heart is where I meet my inner self. Sometimes the cave is darkened with sadness or worry. Sometimes it is as light as my burning candle. But whereas in the past I felt it needed all my strength and determination to cling on to the rock with my bare hands, now I do less and rest more in God. I cannot say I hear a “voice” giving me messages but sometimes at the end of the meditation, I think of a person or action which needs a little further step to improving communication. On looking back over my life, I am grateful that in spite of my mistakes, the God I encounter in my cave is always loving, and forgives.

 - Anne